Why is deity worship just like a romantic relationship? And how can that help you to attract (and keep!) true love? What if by making offerings to a deity, you could heal the blocks that keep you from experiencing healthy happy romance? All in 7 steps?

Sounds mad but I promise it totally works - wanna suspend your disbelief for a moment and find out?

1. The attraction

When you choose a deity to work with, it feels subconscious. You think you're just drawn to them but actually you're choosing based on the traits THEY have that YOU need - just like with a partner!

e.g. I came to Goddess Kali at a time in my life when I constantly repressed my anger... what's Kali? Pure rage.

e.g. I used to go for really spontaneous adventurous guys cos I was an overanalysing Virgo with a control freak streak who desperately needed to loosen up.

In that yummy non-dual way, we seek in another what is dormant in us. Whether that "other" is a human partner or a deity that you invited to chill out on a shelf in your bedroom, doesn't really matter.

2. The wooing

The act of making an offering is the same with a deity AND a human partner. You are basically giving to them – time, energy, attention, love.

If you bring home a gift for your partner, or for your altar, it's the same feeling. You want to show your appreciation for them.

In order to do this, you have to have humility and selflessness – you are overcoming the ego's need to feel separate and you are giving something from your heart, often without expectation of a return.

Because of this, you will most certainly see a return. This is one of the universal laws of manifestation. When we give love we receive love. With a human person that might be smiles or compliments or sexual favours.

With a deity it might be, well, miracles.

3. The art of receiving

When you work with a deity, it is similar to being in a romantic relationship because both of them crack you open to learn how to receive.

After a few months of making offerings and connecting with a deity, and after a few months of dating a real life human person, you will start to notice yourself soften. You begin to trust a little more. You lower your defences and you start to let love in.

This is the most gorgeous stage of any love affair. The blossoming of a delicate flower. The realisation that it is safe to bare your soul to another.

When we offer unconditional love (to a deity or person) we are teaching ourselves to also RECEIVE unconditional love.

When our partner takes care of us when we're gross and sick – we receive. When we experience divine intervention in the shape of guidance or a gift we weren’t expecting – we receive.

Most of us are blocked from receiving. Making offerings to a deity can help unblock that so that we can apply it to our human relationships and stop doing stupid stuff that prevents us from receiving the love we really want and deserve.

 4. The energy exchange

Through the continuous act of devotion (worshipping a deity), you will start to embody the traits of that deity, just as you do with a romantic partner.

In point 1 above, we talked about how we are attracted to that which we seem to lack. We sniff it out in others (deities, humans) and are subconsciously attracted to their energy (because we want it but somehow can’t quite bring ourselves to BE it).

The cool thing is that these traits are already within us, and by spending time with a deity or partner who embodies them, we start to activate the dormant traits within us and display them ourselves too.

So with my examples from point 1, I released my anger and became more assertive while working with Goddess Kali and I let go of my need to control every moment by going on adventures with my spontaneous exes.

I became more like them, basically.

5. The obligation

The more quality time you spend with your partner or deity, the more connection you'll have with them. This is certainly true.

But notice that I wrote "quality time" because we all know what happens when we spend TOO much time with a partner…

The same can be said of a deity. If you feel pressured to connect out of obligation, but you don't really feel like it, the deity will notice, same as a partner, and they WON'T love it.

Basically, in devotion, you set up a space for a deity to live and bring them gifts, visit them, chat to them, hang out, exactly as you would with your partner. But as soon as you start saying to yourself "SIGH I have to clean my altar/visit my in-laws/go to church" you're in the danger zone.

Intention is everything. If your intention is "because you have to" then the positive energy of the offering is reduced. Dial back on your time together, just as you would with a human person, and when you see them again, you'll appreciate your time together far more.

Becoming aware of this with a deity is also a great way of breaking codependent habits in romantic relationships – if you can catch your feelings of obligation with the deity, you're more likely to be able to catch it with another human too.

6. The individuation

So, you've learnt all these amazing things about yourself like how to receive love and embody your shadow traits to become your most whole and awesome self.

You've become aware of some of your codependent ways and stopped acting out of a feeling of obligation. Now you do things because YOU want to do them.

Welcome to the individuation stage.

When we individuate, we change, and this results in a shift in the relationship dynamic. Sometimes this is a new chapter for both of you and you discover new ways of relating to each other – or the relationship will have run its course.

This doesn't always happen, of course, many happy human-human or human-deity couples stay partnered for life, but ultimately you must be true to yourself.

Experiencing this with a deity can prepare you for these shifts and help you to understand what you really need from a human partner.

7. The glow up

Now, whether or not your partnership survived the individuation stage is irrelevant, at this point you will access a new level: The glow up.

After realising all these delicious traits you had within you all along, you start to become the things that you'd always been a little afraid to be – spontaneous, strong, direct, assertive, abundant, loud, proud, artistic, eccentric, FREE.

Just like when you go through a breakup, or reminisce on the early days of a relationship, you'll reflect on the beginnings of your connection with this deity and see that they just brought out of you what was always already there.

It was always you.

And when you realise the vast transformations you've been through, you'll understand how important it is to really connect with other souls – human or divine – and see how every encounter moves you further along your own journey.

You'll give thanks for every bad date, every wrong turn. You'll make offerings of your stories and appreciate the little things about the person in front of you right now.

But most of all, you'll become gleefully and obsessively devoted to yourself. ;)

Love + magic,

Ellie xoxo

Ps. Want to work on deity worship + romance manifesting with me? Check out my page here to see how you can do just that – this work is my offering to you and divine.