What is a love list? Can you really manifest true love by writing what you want?

Recently I've had a few babes ask me how to manifest true love. They're oh so ready, but not sure HOW to go about attracting it in. The love list is one of my absolute favourite ways to manifest love, I've seen its power firsthand, HOWEVER, I've also seen it backfire!

Be careful what you list for my sweet, you just might get it…

The Love List: How to manifest true love by writing what you want

So what is "the love list"?

It's very simple really. You make a list of all the qualities you want in a partner. You address it to divine, perform a lil ritual if you fancy, then the great mother rains it all down on you. For real.

The love list totally works, but before we get stuck into it, a cautionary tale *flashback music*

(**note: I use masculine pronouns throughout as it's a story about me, a straight white gal, but of course the love list works for everyone so please do not be discouraged by my talk of hunting men, I support the hunting of all)

I came across the love list technique years back when I was a single maiden looking for love.

A fellow love witch gave me the idea to write a list in my diary of all the traits I wanted in a lover. "Be real specific" she said, "mine is several pages long" she said. Did I listen? No.

I was finally healing from a traumatic relationship, on holiday, and just wanted a nice date with a man, any man. So that's what I wrote. LOL. I know right.

The very next day I manifested said man.

He was certainly what I had listed, being "any man", and while I was dubious at the speed of manifestation, I was in the habit of trusting the universe so I thought "fuck it" and went on the date.

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Love list date #01

He had been sitting down when he asked me out but later that evening when face to face I realised he was about a foot shorter than me (I'm 5'4), but ok, I could forgive that.

I could also forgive the old bicycle he arrived on.

What I couldn't forgive though was the burping, the barefaced desperation to get me back to his place, the constant attempts to touch MY HAIR, and the fact that he decided to rename me "Sophie" (my name is Ellie) and called me that throughout the evening (for reals). It was the worst date I've ever been on.

As soon as I got home I adjusted my list.

I wrote: "a bigger man who connects with me". "That'll do" I thought.

He came two days after that.

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Love list date #02

A friend of a friend asked me for tea. To this day I'm still yet to say no to a cuppa (you can take the girl out of Britain) so I acquiesced to his request.

He was certainly bigger, although not at all in the way I had intended that statement. He enjoyed sitting and eating and smoking. I enjoyed swimming and walking and dancing. We had tea in common though.

He was a nice enough guy but you know those times where you meet someone and have absolutely nothing in common and don't find them even a teeny tiny bit attractive. Yeah, like that.

But apparently he connected with ME, to the point where he leaned in completely unannounced and I, caught by surprise, leaned OUT. That left things very awkward, since he obviously connected with ME, yet I didn't connect with HIM, not in that way anyway.

Again, back to the list.

At this point I was somewhat rattled, and after a cocktail or three (on holiday, remember), I had written in big letters at the top of my list: "SEXY".

Yes indeed. Sexy.

I'm sure you can imagine what happened next.

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Love list date #03

This dude was a waiter and a MOUNTAIN of a man. Hulking great biceps busting out of his tight white t-shirt. He was so sexy it was practically comedic.

He smelt like he bathed in cologne thrice daily and his eyes did this twinkly thing which I'm SURE was intentional.

And that was the problem: it was all so… intentional.

He took me to a bar where they all knew him and greeted him by name. He had a specific booth. A playlist. A bottle delivered without being ordered. A set list of polished topics and stories he'd CLEARLY told many a lady.

After just one drink, halfway through my sentence, he began serenading me. I swear I'm telling you the truth. The guy SANG to me.

It was all a bit much. I couldn't help but giggle. He was not amused.

He was even less amused when I asked him to drop me home. Alone.

I scribbled SEXY off my list and got serious.

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Love list date #04

This time, I heeded my friend's words. I made my list longer. I wrote that I wanted a man who was chilled, romantic and kind, strong and healthy, who saw me for me and who I connected with too.

This one took a little longer. I'd almost forgotten the list when he came.

He was everything I asked for on the list. Hooray! I'd finally nailed it! Unfortunately though I'd forgotten to add "single" but that's another story for another day.

You probably get my point with all this: your list has to be AIRTIGHT.

The more details the better

If you want to manifest true love by writing the qualities you want in that lover, you have to, well, write.

Don't think that adding more detail to this list will prevent you manifesting the one. That's lack mindset.

Sure, if you're specific, it might take a bit longer cos Goddess has to find these people first (hence why my "any man" turned up so quickly – plenty of those around).

And some of the things on your list might not make the cut. For example, if you say "brown hair" but actually a deep love of the X-files franchise is more important to you, well maybe you'll get a blonde Mulder instead of a brunette, but that's ok, right?

Honesty over judgement

Now don't get me wrong, you might be thinking me judgemental for not wanting these guys, and sure, they would all be right for SOMEONE. However, that someone was not me, and that's ok.

The reason the love list is so effective is because it gets us to think about what is good for US.

So many of us are settlers. We take what we can get because we think that there might not be someone else out there better for us, but honey, that's not the road to happily ever after, no siree.

And it might take a few tries while you hone your list, as mine did.

At first you might not even know what you want. You might be so used to just taking whatever was available or putting yourself down, telling yourself you don't deserve someone better, that the list itself seems an insurmountable task. So start anywhere.

Start with how you want to feel, if that's easier.

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How you feel is the magic

The way someone makes you feel, is actually one of the most important things you can add, more important than size, shape, manners and modes of transport.

That way, you'll avoid feeling grossed out, insulted, uncomfortable, disappointed.

And if you're feeling triggered by my experiences, I invite you to ask yourself why?

Is it because I was picky? Might it be because I paint these men in an unflattering light for the purpose of comedy? That I didn't accept their advances graciously and settle for whatever positive qualities they may have hinted at? Is it because I wasn't so "nice"?

Well, my sweet, I've been down that road and did it lead to true love? No.

For me, what led to true love (another story for another day) was having the self-respect to discern what I want and need, and to not be ashamed about it.  

That’s the purpose of the love list. To discern what we truly WANT. To release the shame around that. And, more than anything my dears, THAT is the magic.

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So now that you're ready and have heeded my tale of caution, here's the instructions:

How to write a love list to manifest true love

1. Set the mood. Get a pen and paper (your journal or something a bit fancy. This is important list writing not your weekly groceries). Light some candles or incense, play some music that makes you feel fabulous.

2. Begin writing your list of qualities you want in a partner. On this list, you might include:

1. personality traits e.g. kind, funny, relaxed, motivated
2. interests, hobbies and lifestyle
3. looks (see point 3)
4. how they make you feel (MOST IMPORTANT)
5. what their beliefs and values are
6. make sure to include their level of commitment to you (as you like)
7. their current relationship status (lest you end up with the married dude)

3. Ask yourself if there's anything you might have missed from this list because you're judging yourself?

For example, at first I thought I was being a dick specifying looks so I left it out "who am I to judge someone on their looks?" I declared, "personality is more important" I pontificated, but then I ended up with people I had absolutely no physical connection with, which is also important, like it or not.

Similarly, one client was beating herself up for wanting someone successful so she doesn't have to support them (she is also successful and has been down the sugar mummy path before without much joy) now what's wrong with that?

Don’t judge yourself on any of this list. If it's important to you, put it down. No one else will even see it.

4. Ask yourself if there's anything you might have missed from this list because you think it's not possible or "not for you" e.g. finding someone who's kind to you or thinks you're beautiful. That IS out there, as soon as you believe in it for yourself

5. Now, take your list and read it aloud to Venus, the Goddess, the universe, divine or just to yourself in a mirror

6. Keep the list somewhere safe and adjust/rewrite as and when you need

7. Voila! Magic is made

Tell me your stories below – have you manifested love before? Did it work? Will you try the love list for yourself?

And if you liked this, there's a link below to download my free guide to manifesting your desires with selflove, plus an invite to join my email list where I share more sumptuous secrets + love magic for courageous babes like you.

Love + magic,

Ellie Rose xoxo